Mama

This post is a love note to myself. I wear my Mama necklace most days. Today I’m wearing it with intention.

As my Wednesday morning starts in the 5:00 hour with calls for Dada, I soon hear a tantrum beginning because my son wants to get up and start the day. “Dada” pushes back and God forbid that happens. I lay awake in bed listening to this unfold, thinking how awful it is to start the day this way, many days this way actually. Later, as were all in our routine, officially getting ready for the day, I look at my necklace around my neck in the bathroom mirror. I think that I am lucky to be a Mama, Lincoln’s mama.

But it’s not easy.

I’m trying to give myself some grace today about not loving parenthood. I have guilt about this so I’m trying not to have guilt today. Today I’m trying to recognize and appreciate that I give it my all most days despite the struggle. I have consciously made a commitment to give this little person a great life since the day he was born despite finding little reward in it. I know I’m a good mom. I know my kid has a good life. He is healthy, and so happy, yet he is very difficult. He has been from the jump. That’s just the reality of it and I need to be able to make peace with that.

So I am taking a deep breath and putting one foot in front of the other, as I do every day. I’m doing the best I can, and so is my son.

I wear my Mama necklace today with intention. I love being a mom. I love my child more than anything in the world. I’m acknowledging that it’s a hard journey and it’s okay. It doesn’t feel fair and that’s maybe not okay but it has to be. It will all be okay.

As Glennon Doyle says, “We can do hard things.”

As the Guns N’ Roses song ‘Patience’ says,

‘Said “woman take it slow, and it’ll work itself out fine”
All we need is just a little patience
Said “sugar make it slow and we’ll come together fine”
All we need is just a little patience’

We

Can

Do

Hard

Things

I’m doing hard things.

It’ll work itself out fine.

Deep Breaths

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