Random Thoughts

I was supposed to go into work today as a full time employee for the first time in three years. Looks like that won’t be happening until next week. Well, the going in part anyway. Want to take a guess as to why?

COVID 😷

My husband tested positive over the holiday weekend after being exposed by a coworker who’s pregnant wife had it. I’m negative and feeling fine. So is my son but we are still required to quarantine.

Over 2 years later since this damn pandemic started and we (humans) are too stupid to figure out how to protect one another long enough to nip this in the bud.

So now I’m sitting here wondering how I should best spend my unplanned, unpaid free time. You always want extra time with family or extra time to just do whatever it is you want to do. This situation is not that, though. I can’t just go out and about. I need to live respectfully of others.

So that’s why I’m writing, without a true intention which is unlike my usual posts. I’ll start here.


I watched Stranger Things. Why did I think it was the series finale? I won’t ruin anything but it is definitely not over! I was happy with how it ended. It’s odd I’m even into that show. It is the only sci fi type show that I watch. I started in over Halloween one year and it just stuck.


I spoke with my friend of nearly 20 years on the phone the other night. He’s on the East coast and we talked for like 3 hours. I was up until WAY past my bedtime but it was worth it. We haven’t caught up in months. He usually does most of the talking. I feel like I have a boring life on a daily basis but when you connect with someone after that long and start to replay the very few things that have happened it really puts it into perspective! HA. He’s a great story teller and I do not consider myself the same. So as a result I guess I’m not able to glamorize the mundane as well as he and he ends up talking more. He’s had quite the devastating past year. It wasn’t the time to share it with him but he has greatly faltered as a friend to me during that time as well. It’s complicated because I’m in the know about some of his situation. I learned the other night that there was a lot I also didn’t know. And knowing what I know helps me from being completely selfish and saying to him, “You Suck!” Learning more kind of reignited the point of my own feelings. But that time will come and I’m confident we’ll work through it. That’s how we’ve stayed friends for so many years! I’m grateful to have him in my life. He is one of the most important people to me. It was nice to touch base again.


I’ve had this poinsettia since the holidays sitting on my kitchen table. It was still in the red foil packaging and flourishing. My intention has been to pot it but the months have gone by quickly. Actually, my real intention was to toss it after the holidays once it died but that never happened so I decided to give it a proper home. Last weekend I finally got around to finding a pot for it as well as a spot where it will live. The kitchen table isn’t the ideal place for it and I’ve tolerated the amount of space it consumes long enough. I placed it in this new area, still in its original packaging, to “try it on” so to speak. My plan was to officially transfer it this 4th of July weekend when I had some more time. Can you guess what very quickly happened that prevented me from transferring it? Maybe not so shocking for plant enthusiasts, it started to wilt. It appears to be over watered which I have never done before. It seemed to take on an endless amount before. This new spot has less light but it’s still bright (ish). Plants used to be the easiest thing for me to take care of. I had I believe 11, in a prior home. My current home does not get enough light. I have 3 plants now. Two I’ve recently decided to attempt after researching low maintenance plants, and the third is the poinsettia. So I’ve set it outside in the sun in hopes of drying the soil before its too late. We’ll see what happens. Go figure, the second I switch up anything I’m doomed. I don’t know that I’ve ever been able to recover a dying plant once it starts dying. I may have lost my green thumb but I still enjoy it. I’m going to hold onto hope that its not ACTUALLY me, its my dimly lit home. It would be a shame to have put all this effort into this poinsettia and it not work out.

June 19th 🙂
Today 🙁

A girlfriend of mine recently talked about getting botox 💉. It was news that actually made me think, “What? Were at that age now, huh?” Here comes another not so shocking guess what happened next? Do I need it too? I’ve been struggling to accept the frown lines that have appeared next to my mouth. Maybe I don’t have to accept them. People my age apparently get botox! So now I’m spiraling. I need to find a trusty anti-aging skincare routine because it’s never too early to start one but there is definitely a time where it’s too late, you know what I mean? 👵

Also, what about collagen? Is it just a fad? It’s everywhere and isn’t it also age related? You lose skin elasticity over time and it helps with that I think? Maybe that’s a whole other thing.

I used to take Gingko Biloba regularly because I have the worst memory 🧠. I had a pretty sharp memory while I was pregnant but it’s otherwise shameful. I found my old vitamins! I don’t know why I stopped taking them, maybe I just slowly forgot to. They are VERY expired but I Googled it and I can still take them. They loose potency but don’t spoil. With ageing on the mind, I don’t want that to get any worse than it already is.


My kids first bad word was “Shut Up.” I learned that recently! Not the worst one out there to have as his first, right?! I’m trying to get it under control quickly because I have a preschool reputation to build and I don’t want it to be a bad one. It’s possible (and likely) he learned that from Nick or I but honestly, I don’t think we say that very much. I say the “F word” FAR more often. I say a lot of bad words more often than “Shut Up.” Recently we were watching Home Alone (because he’s my kid so of course wants to watch Christmas movies any time of the year) and he pointed out when one of the sisters, or cousins, said “Shut Up Kevin.” The lightbulb 💡 went off. That’s where he learned it! And I’m sticking to it. Lets hope he doesn’t start teaching it to all his schoolmates though.


I’m Pro Choice. Not debatable.

I want stricter gun laws. I do not own a gun but can respect responsible gun ownership.


I used to play The Sims a lot. It’s a PC game in case you haven’t heard of it. It’s very time consuming and I would play it years ago when I obviously had more time to waste than I do now. I’m not a big videogame person overall. I saw Sonic is coming back (maybe Sonic never left?) but that brought me a good feeling from when I was really young. I didn’t have the console at my house where I could play often but someone in the neighborhood had it and I remember it being really fun, and hard. I liked Mario and always will. The only other videogame that I became engrossed in besides The Sims was GTA5. It was so addicting and frustrating because it was also hard. Anyway, maybe I’ll spend some time this week playing The Sims although I should probably read something. That sounds like it would be a healthier choice however my current options are a bunch of old dirty mysteries I got for free by Nora Roberts or the Will Smith biography. Nora Roberts is always a good read. I was excited for the Will Smith book when I got it but then the slap happened and now I’m not sure how I feel about him so that one will stay on the shelf for now.


That is all for today’s random thoughts!

I’m hoping I (and my son) can remain COVID free in the coming days so life can resume. Wish us luck! 🤞🏻

💛 Katie

Happy New … Oh, Wait

January 2022. Day 1.

I get a message from my son’s daycare that they have been exposed to COVID, with a positive result, and need to close. Along with the message is a document showing the quarantine details and dates of closure.

First of all, Happy Fucking New Year.

Second of all, are these dates not INCREDIBLY long?

So immediately my husband and I are in our heads, scrambling. What are we going to do? This is unexpected and we have to go to work on Monday. We don’t have backup childcare.

I decide to text my boss the document. I work part time and there is some flexibility within my hours as long as someone is always in the office, and as long as I get my hours in before the end of the pay period. We decide my husband will go into work first thing Monday and tell his boss and see how much time off he has accumulated. Little steps at a time is how we’re going to have to get through this situation.

Thank you Jesus, right off the bat both of our works are understanding and we get week 1 figured out.

On Thursday, the 6th, I see the little icon on my phone from daycare. I’m thinking, yay, maybe they realized their dates are wrong and this will be some good news.

WRONG

Another household member has now tested positive and THEY ARE EXTENDING THE CLOSURE. By 2 days. So now the date of reopening is Thursday, the 20th.

This news comes, we have week 1 figured out and we are already planning the next. We’re thinking positive: My husband will use this much sick time/vacation time… I have Monday the 17th off due to a holiday so that won’t impede on this and we can all be back to normal by Tuesday the 18th. Maybe we’re going to be able to get through this without having to pay for emergency childcare, without using all accumulated time off for the year, and without me missing much work overall. Plus, I would still have a couple days to make up my time before the pay period ends.

What I haven’t shared is that January 21st is my husband and I’s 10 year wedding anniversary as well as my sons 3rd birthday. For months, we have had it planned to take a coast trip starting on the 20th. Through this news, that trip was threatened but still possible. Until we got that news of the second COVID diagnosis. Adding those 2 extra days gutted us. Now, if we decided to go, ALL available time off would be used for the ENTIRE year and my paycheck would be tiny because the days I had planned to make up time are now gone (I only get paid monthly.) We had until Friday, the next day, to get a full refund on our trip so we had to put an axe in it.

Why did this have to occur Right. Now. This would have never been convenient news but this is the only plans we had for the year, so far. We deserve that getaway. It was such a good deal, such a good find.

W

H

Y

So now we’re pissed. This has been so stressful and inconvenient. The cherry on top being our family missing out on lifelong, special, memories. It’s not like we were able to make the best of it and take advantage of time off together as a family. One of us is (as we’re currently in the middle of it) always working. Exposure happens but then to later have another exposure feels like they weren’t quarantining responsibly. It’s not just our family effected by this.

At this point in the debacle I begin looking for different childcare opportunities. Somewhere with a staff, that is not in home, so that if something happens it is not the end all be all and we’re at their mercy again. Our family literally cannot scramble like this again. Maybe I’ll get lucky and we can get back to normal sooner than later… even if the trip is no longer happening.

Then we get another lovely update. This time about payment.

The message is asking for over half of our monthly rate. Over half for what is an availability of 8 days of care.

I haven’t commented or questioned or shared anything with them up to this point, but now I had to ask what their calculation breakdown was. This was not making sense. The answer?

“He was exposed on Wednesday which means his quarantine will end on Sunday. We won’t be open for 8 more business days after that.”

Are you freaking kidding me? YOU exposed my son. Daycare is closed because of YOU. So now he needs to quarantine and he technically is unable to attend due to this, you feel you can charge me? (His health was unaffected, by the way. Thank God) Under different circumstances, say, if he was exposed due to my irresponsibility… sure! Charge us! Am I crazy here?

Cut to now, still a week left to go. A new daycare WILL BE happening. I’ve already been on waitlists but I’ve expanded my search area and adding my name to more. It’s looking like we’ll go back next week and pay the amount we were invoiced for to turn around and pay the full amount the following week because it’s a new month.

What a nightmare.

I was encouraged to speak up and speak out to them. I’m hesistant to do so until I know we’re moving on. I do not prefer to take my child somewhere with tension but I did draft something to potentially send. I’ll share it with you. I kept it professional and left out any emotion:


Things have gotten off to a rocky start, to say the least. I’m going to stay hopeful that we end up better than where we started 🤞🏼 while keeping in mind that everything could be worse. 🙏🏼 I truly hope your 2022 has kicked off better than mine.

Until next time 💛 Katie

Happy New Year! 🎉

Goodbye 2020 and good riddance!

This was such a trying year for all of us. It was one that took life altering turns every day, or so it seemed. So much has happened I don’t think we even realize it.

  • It started with the Australian bushfires which burned millions of acres and affected billions of animals. It was so devastating to watch. A heartbreaking reality of climate change. The damage is so severe that we won’t know the true effects of it for years to come.
  • Kobe Bryant died. That was a shock and the sports world will never be the same due to his abrupt loss.
  • COVID-19 stunned every one of us and is still wreaking havoc. The details I could go in… but we all know. It would be the most trying year with just this pandemic alone.
  • George Floyd’s murder was so horrific and devastating that it started an uproar across the world. This movement taught me so much. It’s a multi dimensional topic. I’m hopeful the work that has been put in by so many will pay off in great strides.
  • All the bullshit with President Trump. Eww. Joe Biden winning the election is one of the few beautiful things that came out of this year.

For me it was almost all negative.


There are, of course, some positive things that come to mind:

  • My son started walking!
  • My husband is cancer free
  • My faith has increased and I’ve been trying to build a relationship with God.
  • We’ve been able to make some smart financial decisions thanks to the stability of my husband’s job and my unemployment. Serving tables makes money but you never know what it’s going to bring in. Sometimes the money is good and sometimes it’s not so good. Unemployment has been a constant and allowed for us to make informed decisions.
  • My 16 year old cat, Boo Boo, has made it through another year!

Most of the year, however, I’ve been in fear of getting COVID. I have steered clear so far, thank the Lord. I’ve been so very careful. I always wear my mask. I’ve visited only a few of the same stores, mostly shopping online. I invited 3 people to my house in October, they were extended family, and that is the ONLY socialization I’ve had outside of work. Can you believe that? The only socialization I’ve had outside of work. It’s been devastating. And even then I was a bit paranoid because I didn’t know my cousin was in a new relationship and they had moved in together which got me worried about how many interactions with others he’s had!

When I went back to work in June, I believe, it seemed silly that I’m working in a profession that I consider nonessential and putting myself at risk despite how safe I’m being in my personal life. We do not need to be sitting down in restaurants right now. Restrictions have tightened so much that I am serving people outside only, in December, in 40 degree weather. The longer this pandemic goes on, the less it seems people take it seriously. Helping strangers get drunk while they sit outside in a public place during a pandemic feels very reckless. I worry my odds of contracting it get better every shift I work. But I’m doing it to help provide for my family, you know?

If I get COVID, I think I’d be fine. That’s not so much a worry, although I don’t prefer to find out if that’s true or not. I am at home with my son full time so he would contract it. How do we isolate from my husband in my 1000 square foot home? I guess we would pay for him to stay in a hotel for 2 weeks? We can’t afford that but we can’t afford for both of us to be out of work for 2 weeks either. So we’d have to make a choice, I guess. Then hope that Lincoln would be healthy overcoming the virus but how sad would it be to watch him go through that? Plus, we don’t really know the long term effects on our body for those who get it. We’ve never lived through this in our lifetime! The whole situation is just terrifying so all I can do is keeping being as responsible as I can and pray that my family is okay in the end.

It was such a lonely year, right? I see so many people I know back home in Idaho that carried on with life as though there is not a global pandemic going on. So many selfish people all over behaving this way. It’s infuriating. I saw how big of an asshole people are at their core. This has really brought out the ugliest in humanity. I’m a rather lonely person to begin with as I’ve shared with you. Not that I try relentlessly with people in my life but it would have been the most valuable time for me to have that friend or family member who reached out with the intention to make a meaningful connection. It would have been a nice outlet on behalf of my marriage, as well, to have had that relationship. It’s important to be able to vent struggles with someone you trust other than your significant other. Despite all the time we’ve spent together, we need some quality alone time and Lincoln needs some time with someone he trusts other than his parents. I worry about Lincoln’s development and the lack of social interaction. He has people that have never met him that love him. I’m so thankful for that. But he needs little people around him too and I haven’t been able to provide that with the pandemic and it has made an impact. Time will tell if it’s temporary or long term.

All of this hasn’t been the best look on me. I will not be one of those folks who leaves the year and all the quarantine time as a better person. At least, I can’t see that being the case in this moment. I’ve had bad thoughts, I had breakdowns with tears and screaming. I am my best self when I have a purpose and consistency mixed in with some chaos and fun. It’s all been too much for me. Everything has been amplified. This ties into my worries with Lincoln, as well. He’s the person that see’s me the most when I’m not at my best. We spend the most time together. He’s really little but is my stress and the way I cope affecting him too?


Well anyway, things have been hard and the theme seems to be that time will tell. COVID-19 isn’t going anywhere tomorrow which means many of the consequential issues aren’t going anywhere anytime soon either. My prayer for the new year is that it does get better. For me and my family, yes, but for humanity. I’m not the only one feeling all these things and people have had it much harder than I. Bless your heart if you’ve had a good year (and fuck off a little bit too.) 😝

A resolution… I think I do better with goals. I’m a long term, committed kinda chick. When the pandemic hit, I called someone to see what I needed to do in order to buy a house in the area. I wrote everything down and hope to be able to buy one by fall. “Time will tell,” but this will be my ultimate plan for 2021. I’m beyond sick of renting, I hate landlords because none of them give a shit, and it seems like my neighbors only aspire to win the trashiest yard award? Most importantly, I’d love for Lincoln to have his own house so he can do so many more activities!

It will be year 2 for my son. I pray that he starts talking and we get him potty trained during this time. My goal would be (assuming we get past COVID-19) that we find a daycare for him. This would allow me to get back into the workforce full time and get him some daily interaction with other kids and adults. Maybe this would even allow for some of that very necessary quality time my husband and I need!

As always, thank you for taking the time to read my blog. All of our time is precious and you must have found it to be worth yours to spend some of it in my thoughts. I truly appreciate it. Blessings to you in the coming year. Stay safe. Please do your part to get us all past this.

Be better 2021!

💛 Katie